Captain Larengitis and the Rat
by Live4StarWars
Summary: Part one of possibley many CRACK fictions spurred on my the evil minds of my cousin and me. When a very sick Jak is left outta commision, Torn and Daxter have to get along to stop chemically altered Eco...but will they survive the side effects?
1. Off to the sewers

This story is nothing but an abosoulutely CRACK FICTION! And the poor victims are those of all the Jak and Daxter games who are now under the evil minds of me and my cousin **evil laugh**

"ACHOO!" An extremely loud sneeze rang through out the Hideout.

"Bless you…again" A small furry hand handed the sick, blond elf a tissue.

"How someone can get a cold AND the chicken pox at the same time is beyond me," Said an older elf with red hair back in dreads and tattoos all over his face, "And to think I had new mission for you too, but now I guess I'll have to do it myself."

"Hold the horses! Torn, Mister high and mighty, Captain Laryngitis, is gonna go get his hands dirty? Oh how I wish I could see that." The Orange Ottsel mocked.

"Oh trust me, you will." Torn walked over to the two, "Your coming with me yea dumb rat." Daxter screamed and looked over to the sick Jak.

"Why do you *sniffle* need Dax?"

Torn sighed, "Trust me I'd rather not have the talking fur ball with me" Both Daxter and Torn glared at each other at the same time, with an equally intense look. "But he's the only one other then you Jak that knows the way through the sewers so well."

"But...but…BUT JAK!" Daxter whinnied, Jak just shrugged, "Sorry Dax, but he's got a point *itch* I'm in no condition to go anywhere, so you'll just have to put up with him."

Torn grabbed his gun and extra ammo, grabbed Daxter by the scruff of his neck, threw him up on his shoulder, kissed Jak goodbye and left. Hearing another loud sneeze as they left. Outside Torn and Daxter found an abandoned Zoomer, hoped on and took off towards the sewers.

"Soooo, Dread-For-Brains, what exactly are we going to be doing down there?"

"We're checking a source that said the KG have been storing chemically altered eco down there, and if they are we need to either:

Move them somewhere else…where? I have no idea

Or

Blow it up and hope nothing bad happens."

"Great, and you were gonna give US this mission? And here I thought you liked us."

"Jak, yes. You, not so much." Torn smirked and looked over his shoulder to Daxter who was pouting, but had a small smile on his face. A few minutes later they arrived at the doors leading to the entrance of the sewers, but torn keep flying straight at it.

"Ah...Torn? You gonna stop soon? PLEASE!"

At the last second Torn jumped off with screaming Daxter barley holding on. Zoomer continued on and flew straight into the metal doors, exploding on impact making Torn laugh excitedly.

"Man I LOVE doing that!" Taking a deep breath he looked over to the somewhat pale Dax, "Ready to go?"

Recovering from his near death experience, "I will NEVER complain about Jak's driving ever again."

"Oh come on you scaredy Ottsel lets go"

The two of them stood in front of the doors waiting for them to click into place and slide open. They then walked onto the platform and were lowered into the sewers.


	2. Side effects

This story is nothing but an abosoulutely CRACK FICTION! And the poor victims are those of all the Jak and Daxter games who are now under the evil minds of me and my cousin **evil laugh**

After destroying a few metal heads…ok maybe a lot and an innocent sewer rat or two they finally make it to their destination.

"I TOLD you to take a LEFT at the fork!"

"When I'm running for my life from Metal heads that are too big for their own good and look like something from HALO! You're gonna have to give directions to me a little SOONER!" The two continued like this until they finally reached the Eco Canisters. As they arrived they noticed an ominous pink cloud hanging over the said chemically altered eco canisters.

"So are we going with option A or option B?"

"Well, the non manly pink cloud says B, but hey if you wanna go in there then be my guest. Maybe you'll come out a poodle." Torn snickered and backed up and prepared to fire.

"You might wanna get behind me, unless you really DO wanna end up one." Daxter quickly ran behind him and Torn fired…but nothing happened; confused, he fired again this time making an explosion that rocked the tiny sewer and drenched them in the pink eco.

"…Disgusting…"

"God, lets go before something…weird…happens…" Torn began swaying slowly back and forth.

"Hey Torn are you…what…the?" And slowly Daxter began doing the same, Then it Happened!

What may you ask? Well a chemical imbalance that reaches far onto a subatomic level and far beyond your mental capacity, but I will do my best to put it terms you'll understand. They pretty much became as plastered and screwy as 4 bottles of vodka, two 24-packs of beer and a touch of rum, and this doesn't even include the side effects. The side effects are the kicker you see, for then drenched in this eco of non-manlyness you become hornier then toad (especially in ottsels) This is a 24-hour thing that will conclude in a killer hangover and extreme sensitivity to sound the next day.

Daxter and Torn looked at each other and Dax smiled seductively. Now Torn could tell he was reacting to that smile, but did his best to think of Jak instead…which sadly for him made things harder. (pun intended) Daxter then began to craw his way up him and wrapped his purring mass around his neck.

"Daxter! Enough of this! What about Tess?"

"Tess?...Who's Tess, baby?"

Torn face palmed and walked towards the entrance to the sewers with a now purring Daxter and trying to hide a certain bulge in his pants along the way. Once they got out Torn headed towards the nearest car, for riding a Zoomer in his condition you see would be very uncomfortable and headed back to H.Q.


	3. Back at HQ

When Torn and a very, very happy Daxter arrived back to HQ,Ashelin and Tess where waiting for them along with a not-so-sick-anymore Jak. As Torn walked down to them he remembered about a certain purring furball around his neck, so grab Dax by the scruff of his neck Torn proceeded to throw the orange projectile at Tess who screamed in surprise, but still caught him.

"TORN! Why did you have to go and throw him…like…Why is he purring?" Tess asked. Torn turned to her and gave her an "I'll kill you if you ask again" glare before marching up to Jak, forcefully turning him around and shoving him into the room he and Jak shared, slamming the door shut after they entered.

"What do you think happened to them?" Tess questioned with concern about her Daxyboo's purring.

"I don't know I'll go and ask him, I'd stand a better chance between the two of us." But before Ashelin could even take more then a few steps towards the door an extremely loud sound came from the room. A sound that could only come as a result of a certain activity that left both girl's faces flushed with embarrassment as to where their thoughts headed.

The next day both Torn and Daxter were sitting opposite the two girls moaning with one of the worst hangover's known to man with a slight side of amnesia.

"Sooo" Ashelin started but received a loud hiss of pain from the two before she could continue, "ANYWAYS…What the hell happened to you two down there?"

Torn moaned from Ashelin's needless level of volume in her voice, Honestly! Did she Need to Yell!

"I don't remember much, we arrived at our destination and then I shot the eco canisters, then all of a sudden we were covered in this pink crap and that's a far as mind goes." When he was done both girls had a look of pure shock on their faces before breaking out into laughter. Both Torn and Daxter had an equal look of confusion on their face that didn't help the laughter at all. Finally the girls were able to contain themselves.

"Wow, that sure explains a lot" Tess giggled

"Yea but I kinda feel bad for Jak though," At hearing this Torn looked over to Ashelin worried, "Oh sorry, you got hit by a ton of Pink Eco."

"Pink Eco?"

"Yea, Pink Eco, it makes your body go hormonally CRAZY! And poor Jak got the receiving end off all that pent up testosterone last night. You did him so hard he won't be able to move for a week and a half."

Torn blushed which was a sight pretty much never seen before to anyone other then Jak, Thus making the girls collapsed onto the floor in hysterics again and leaving a moaning Torn and Daxter in their wake


End file.
